Wasting Time with God
A few weeks ago I packed up some panniers, jumped on my bike, and rode off for a three- day personal retreat. It was a mix of ‘active’ resting, journalling, sleeping and amateur attempts at contemplative prayer. My primary objective throughout the retreat was to ‘be present to the present.’ To keep gently drawing myself back to each moment and simply, slowly pay attention to who and what was there. I hoped the slow down and refocus would assist me connect better with myself, the creatures around me, and the God who holds us all.
The writings of Henri Nouwen and other contemplatives and mystics have inspired me to make space for this sort of activity. Henri believed that when people are busy or hurried, their thoughts often jump around like monkeys in a banana tree. I relate to that somewhat amusing image. Much as I try to be present to each place, person, moment and task, I often myself rushed and mentally distracted and displaced. My mind is frequently like a hyper-active chimpanzee swinging from branch to branch, grabbing on to insistent new thoughts, discarding their half- finished remains before jumping out to briefly clutch something new. I know I’m a less connected and loving person when this is going on.
Henri believed that busy lives block our wellbeing and flourishing and disconnect us from the lifegiving flow of love. He was convinced that contemplative prayer helps us connect with the God of love and our foundational identity as God’s beloved children and sometimes referred to this kind of prayer as “wasting time with God”.
A thicker inflatable sleeping mat would have made my retreat more restful! It did breathe some calm into my soul and renew my appreciation for solitude, silence and stillness tho. Oh, and having a large hare slowly hop right up to my feet while I was sitting still under a tree in the warm and glow of morning sun was also a magic moment. It reminded me of the multiple times I’ve read “Guess How much I Love You” to my tamariki and mokos. I felt like God was saying, “I love you this much.” I’ll take that.
“Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)