A discussion with my flatmate:
Me: I could just drop out at the end of this year
Alex: Mon you wouldn’t be dropping out you would be graduating!
Me: Oh yeah…
I am currently in the final semester of my undergraduate degree at UC and I am working out the plan for the next year. I have an exciting, awful, annoying, deliberating worm inside my head that decides to speak up when I have assignments I should be focussed on instead…
I am tossing and turning between an honours year next year (what’s another year?) – which would allow me to apply for clinical psychology – or enrolling to do a master of counselling OR a gap year working to have a brain break and delay this pesky post-grad decision!
I started University by picking subjects that looked interesting and ended up with a major in psychology and history. I always thought I would do four years at uni so I almost feel behind on my own schedule by not doing so. But I don’t want to pay for a year of honours education I won’t use (if I didn’t get into the competitive clinical program) or that is half-assed because I am tired of studying and it sometimes feels pointlessly theoretical. On the other hand, why spend FIVE more years at UC when I could skip straight to learning the practical stuff by doing a master’s in counselling? What do I need money for? I can dirtbag life, right? But what if I want to own a house one day? What if I want kids? What if everyone else gets ahead of me in life? But what if I didn’t make the most of life now because I spent all my time and money studying and then I got in a car crash and died without having properly lived? What if, what if, what if???
I know I sound ridiculous.
On Sunday at Young Adults, we talked about the different ways we perceive God (air, space, father etc.). It was a really interesting discussion. Sean talked about Psychology studies that related Attachment Theory and our relationship with God. Just as your relationship with your parents influences your later attatchment style, your relationship with God as a kid can affect your adult faith. Interesting Psyc stuff!!
Lying in bed last night I thought about how lucky I am – I started life on easy mode with a solid, loving platform built by my parents and Ilam Church and I now have healthy relationships with my family, my friends, and my boyfriend. I have the means and opportunities that come with living in a first-world country like Aotearoa. I have never been hungry and I have been lucky enough to explore some of the coolest mountains, rivers and lakes in the world. And I have nearly finished a degree. Although money is a consideration for the future, it is not something I have to worry about. I have more than enough – my cup overflows. I am so lucky and so very grateful. Who knows what life will throw at me? God is with me and I am ready for the next adventure.
PS: guidance prayers are still welcome 😉